Brad Hammer and John Duff | Is It a Sin / 2022

sinning till the end

 by Douglas Messerli

John Duff, Anil Sebastian, Max Bergå, and Scott McFarnon (composers), Brad Hammer and John Duff (directors) Is It a Sin / 2022 [3 minutes]

 

John Duff stands in a church, wondering if it’s sin to love. Already, given the Duff has made several clearly gay albums, and despite the fact that in that past he has refused to be called gay or put in any kind sexual category of what he describes as a “box,” that he’s posing the question all religious gay boys inevitably have to.

    The original lyrics of the first three stanzas read:

 

If all’s forgiven

Then why am I imprisoned

Can I get a minute

On my knees

 

Please

If you’re wasting time

Then waste it on me

If it always ends

Then we should be free

To love

Am I free to love

 

Is it a sin

To touch you

Is it a sin

To say there’s no one above you

If it’s a sin to love you

Then I’m sinning till the end

Thank God I’m forgiven

 

      But in producer Eric Kupper’s remix of what YouTube describes as the “Official Music Video,” the last line, repeated several times, which I kept hearing as “God I’m gay then,” which I interpreted to read that if it was a sin, he was something other, a gay man outside the church. Others hear it differently, reporting back what’s written or at least something closer to it. (I took a test, without divulging what I heard or even that I heard something different, with several visitors).

     At the site @IAmJohnDuff, the singer writes the message that follows:

 

“Hi everyone! Thank you for watching my video.

     As a gay man, I have dealt with immense guilt and shame for my whole life—due to indoctrination and moral codes created by the church.

     As a lover of Christ's teachings, I have felt overwhelming forgiveness and acceptance.

     As an adult with reading comprehension skills, I struggle to see where the church picked up its bigoted and judgmental stances on love… and how exactly those views abide by Christ’s teachings.

     As a rebel, I wrote “Is It a Sin”. A song for people like me, who do not want to denounce spirituality—but rather ask why they should be denied a place in it.

     I hope you enjoy the song and video. They mean a lot to me. Much love!”

 

     My hearing or mis-hearing (the only line I hear differently from the published lyrics) is not terribly consequential, however, since this still remains a song about hopefully being forgiven for loving God even if the Church calls his loving other men a sin. Most fundamental believers, however, Might even see Duff singing such a song in a church-like setting might deem Duff’s song and actions as blasphemous.

     And there is a big different from admitting to being gay and being forgiven for it.

    But the truly important thing here is that instead of his early denials of being gay, fearful of being categorized, he seems to now accept it as fact.

 

Los Angeles, July 3, 2025

Reprinted from My Queer Cinema blog (July 2025).